Playing God with Science 

So, lately in vitro has been coming up in the media more often. It’s something that celebrities, neighbors, friends, and family members are facing. Usually it’s something that people don’t speak of. Today it’s a topic that many people are struggling with. Partly since people are waiting longer before starting a family. 

I have been there on both sides, in secret and open wiling to discuss with anyone. At first I was ashamed that we couldn’t do what every man and woman could do. I was disappointed with myself. With the second IVF cycle I decided to start this blog. I overcame the silence and thought what the heck this will be my way of venting and show what it’s like to have science help conceive. Because of my blog I have helped others, seen women struggling with infertility become mothers and made friends. 

Just about everyone on this planet has heard of Kim K. and Kanye West. And some have heard of John Legend and Chrissy T. Both couples used IVF to conceive. They even went a step further and chose the gender of their off spring. Almost like having a baby wasn’t a blessing enough they “custom picked” what they are having. They have their reasons. Kim wanted just 2 kids. Chrissy thought John would be a great dad to a girl. She also said they will have a boy. A future order? 

Before my IVF cycles I was asked by family if I would be able to chose the sex. I wasn’t. And it wasn’t something I wanted to do. My belief is that I’m already screwing with nature, I wanted to leave the rest alone. I loved the element of surprise when I found out the genders with our family with us. 

Now that I have beautiful twin girls would I want to chose the gender of the next baby? No. My family would be perfect if it is a boy or another girl. It’s still perfect if I don’t have another. I am curious of what we have waiting in the cyro bank. I know I will not be able to be a mom to all 7 frozen embryos. One day a few years from now the decision on what to do with them will need to be made. 

13 months, we’re back!!

Where the hell do I start off, it’s been too long. 

The girls are healthy, learning everyday and keeping me on my toes all day long. I’m the happiest I have ever been. Some days are challenging, I just remind myself that tomorrow will be better. Usually it works, haha. 

Brie is still our jokester, huge ham and always happy. She’s walking sometimes running. I swear a couple weeks ago she was taking a few steps here and there then overnight she became a toddler. She started getting molars?! Crazy I know. She literally has a mouth full of teeth. Sometimes she reminds me with a nibble or chew here and there on my arm, leg or any body part she can get. She gives kisses, a total heart melting moment. I’m complete mush when she does it. She’s a foodie. It takes awhile for her to like a food. A few tries and toss onto the floor before she discovers she likes it. Her favs are grilled cheese (not with Kraft cheese, she likes the real good stuff) peanut butter, peas, bananas, graham crackers, Cheerios, Greek yogurt and anything that is a cake, pastry and ice cream. 

Then there is the “little” big sis, Olives. She is still living up to being a diva. She doesn’t like to share attention from her daddy and myself. She doesn’t like to wait for food nor being picked up. I find her playing with toys by herself. She doesn’t like to get dirty. When it comes to food, there isn’t a food she doesn’t like. The baby food compactor. I think she’s going to burst at times. Since she’s a diva, she would rather be carried around instead of walking. She’s currently cruising the furniture and occasionally taking steps here and there up to 3 at a time. She likes car rides most of the time she falls asleep. 

As for me I’m still a SAHM. I love being able to spend time with the girls, see their firsts and bond. I try to get out with them every other day to run an errand, walk or visit with family or friends. I escape when I can to get “me” time. It took me awhile to not feel guilty for leaving. It helps to recharge and turn my mommy brain on mute for a bit. 

Everyone asks, “what’s it like having twins?” Well I don’t know any different. It’s difficult at times, I’m growing and adapting as they change and go through stages. It is tons of fun. They keep me entertained. I love seeing things through their eyes. Things I overlook they stop and watch or investigate. They make me stop to enjoy the moment. I think many people go fast and forget to appreciate the small everyday things. I’m blessed being their mom.  

    
    
 

Family 

I have always wanted a big close family. While my mom was married to my then step dad I was in a big family. He has 5 siblings that are all married and have kids. I remember family get togethers and holidays. There was so much going on and at times could be over whelming. It’s been many years since I have seen them. I miss the big family. My mom divorced my step dad (I will call him K) I still keep in contact since he was in my life since I was 4 or 5 almost 30 years of my life. My side of the family is small, my mom and 2 younger brothers by 10-12 years. 

K and I didn’t have the best/healthy father-daughter relationship. He wasn’t the type that was nurturing, not protective. He whopped my ass when he thought I needed it and made me work for everything I got. If it wasn’t for his strictness I wouldn’t be the person I am now. I’m thankful to him for some of the things he taught me. I know what I will take and won’t from my experience to help raise the girls. 

You might be wondering about my biological father. He hasn’t been in the picture since I was less than a year old. He paid child support monthly on his own until I graduated HS. I reached out to him when I was in my young 20’s. We talked awkwardly on the phone for 10 minutes. I left the door open for future conversations. We have had none. He lives in the same city as I do. I was told he never wanted children. His family doesn’t now I exist. 

I would like to have a closer relationship with my brothers. They are technically half siblings but I hate that term. V and I talk and text occasionally. S and I do sometimes. He has his life and since I’m much older I don’t fit in right now. I will always be their sister and hopefully I will be their friend too. 

My mom and I talk a few times a week. We face time so she can see the girls. She and I have some of the same qualities but we are very different too. 

Nobody can nor will probably ever take the place of my grandmother. She was my best friend. I could confide in her. She would never judge and wouldn’t throw something back in my face. She taught me how to be strong and independent. I miss our conversations, jokes and just sitting quietly next to her. She had a way of making me feel calm and safe. I haven’t had that same feeling since she passed. I hope I can be half the mom she was to me. 

Since being a mom I’m evaluating and want to have everyone involved in our lives. I know the people that want to be included will come around and those that don’t won’t. I may not have that big family I wanted. Now I would rather have people that want to participate. 

Car seat shopping

It feels like I spent a good chunk of my life researching car seats. The girls have almost outgrown their infant seats. Well Brie has and Olives has a little more time since she is petite. 

After talking with other mamas in a Facebook mothers group I finally decided. Yesterday I pulled the trigger and purchased online. Sure, I could go check them out in person but that would just confuse me even more. 
I decided on the Diono Radian RXT. I like that the frame is all metal, the slim size but plenty of room for the babes and it goes up to a 110lb booster. I plan on having my kids in them until they are 20 yrs old, lol. I wanted to make one purchase and never have to car seat or booster seat shop again. 

I found the best price, no sales tax and free shipping. Let’s hope the install will be easy or I could take them to the CHP office like I did for the infant seats. 

8 months old 

Watch out everyone we have crawlers!! Olives fell in love with herself in the closet mirror door and she was crawling for it. That was all it took. Brie also loves making out with the mirror leaving a drooly mess for me to clean. 

Brie cut 2 teeth (uppers) within a week. One right after another. Now she has 4. She likes playing with her tongue moving it around and sticking it out. Poor Olives she is still all gums. I see the little bottom teeth and she has been drooling more but no signs of cutting in the near future. 

Hubs moved the mattresses down to the very bottom in the cribs. Sure it makes me stand on my tippy toes to pick up and put down (I’m short) but the girls are safer and I sleep better at night knowing that. Maybe it will help tone my arms and core. Wishful thinking. 

While out to dinner Olives stole a French fry off a plate. She immediately started to devour the wedge with her gums. She was clutching it so hard in her little fist. They was no way to get it back. I watched in fear. Sure, I took baby CPR and first aid class but I don’t want to have to do any of it. She safety ate it and wanted more. After this and hearing other moms giving their kids actual food I thought I would slowly give it a try. I can’t make their baby food until they are in school. They have had small pieces of banana and peaches so far. When it comes to bottle feeding they are reluctant to take it from their dad. They will take an ounce or two, not the full 7. I take over and they will finish the bottle. I wonder why that is? They use to eat with him. 

I finally took the girls to get their ears pierced. Since I had a horrible experience getting mine pierced when I was around 6-7 I always wanted to get my future daughter’s ears pierced when they were an infant. It’s easier said than done. It wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I had to hold them but they cried for a short time. Maybe the Tylenol I gave them right before we left the house helped. Cleaning and turning the tiny gold studs 3 times a day have been added to our daily routine. 

We celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. Instead of a fancy dinner we went out for my favorite deep dish pizza at a new restaurant. Most moms say they like getting all dressed up and going out for the night. I’d rather go somewhere casual or order take out and stay in. I don’t feel the urge to get all dressed up, maybe that will happen later. An hour or two away is nice but all we talk about are the girls. They have taken over my thoughts and heart. No more random trips to all inclusive resorts and trips to Vegas. I’m fine with that. It will happen again just not for awhile. 

I’m down 56 pounds since the girls’ birthday. I stopped running due to my knees getting sore. I started a Barre workout DVD that I bought on Amazon. Oh my gosh it kicks my ass literally. I feel sore. Sore is good, it’s working my butt, inner and outer thighs. I was shacking to sit on the toilet the next day, lol. It’s not high impact and is gentle on the joints. So in a week I barre 2-3xs, kettle bell/weights 3xs, walking/hiking everyday & elliptical 1x. I change it up depending on my mood and to not get bored. 

I can’t wait to pick out their Halloween costumes, to visit the pumpkin patch, get their Xmas stockings and play Santa. I didn’t grow up with traditions so I can’t wait to start new ones with them. 

P.S. I had the hardest time trying to get a decent 8th month pic. I included a few of the bloopers. 

   
    
   

7 months old 

They amaze me everyday. Olives just went from being on her tummy to sitting up today. It took her a minute but she did it all on her own. She stayed in the sitting position for a few minutes then had a crash landing on a soft stuffed dog. She was so proud and excited of her accomplishment. Brie was completely oblivious in her own little world. 

They are practicing crawling. Being up on all fours and rocking back and fourth. They have taken a small crawl forward but quickly fall. They can scoot backwards with no problem. 

The changing table has now turned into a game of hold the baby down. They love to twist and turn or scoot back with the heels of their feet. The battle is on every time a diaper is being changed. 

They eat everything. The favorite is still oatmeal. Brie tries to grab the bowl and spoon to feed herself. She flings her arms and catches me off guard. Food lands on both of us. Olives just waits with her mouth open wide for the next bite. If she waits too long the feet start kicking. 

The sipping cups are still a work in progress. They grab the handles with all of their mite but haven’t learned to tilt their head back. Frustration occurs until helping hands assist. 

Starting yesterday they decided to throw me off my game by changing their schedule. It happened again today. Both days they didn’t want to take their short late afternoon nap. Instead they whined, rubbed their eyes and cried off and on. And after the bedtime bottle they still don’t want to go down at 8:30-9PM. They are just fighting sleep. I hope this ends soon. 

We went on our first overnight trip to Twain Harte. The girls usually do great in the car but after an hour they were restless. I don’t blame them. The ride is 2.5 hrs from the house. They “sang” in chorus for part of the ride up and back home. On the way home I moved to the back seat to sit in between them and the crying stopped. Them just seeing me made them happy. I’m lucky I barely fit. Now let’s talk about the night. It was rough. They weren’t in their cribs that they are familiar with. Eventually the tiredness won and they slept in the pack n plays. I think we will wait awhile until the next trip. I packed the entire house for a 24 hr trip. It was worth it, just a lot of work. 

I’m now down 51 pounds from pre-IVF weight. I’m still exercising daily and eating healthy. I have a love/hate relationship with the scale. 

Today we walked and raised money for Relay of Life American Cancer Society. We raised $410 in a week and walked 2 miles. After the 8th lap at the track the girls decided it was time to leave for food & a nap. We skidaddled before a public melt down started.